Two ears and one mouth. My mother used to say that meant I was to do twice as much listening as talking. At the time I was angry at her for saying that because she was basically saying shut up and listen to me. But today I learned something and how it really pertains to those who want to be better christians. Have you ever had someone vent to you about something that was really going wrong in there life. And things are really falling apart for them. You will hear things like “I feel so alone” “I am unwanted” “I am a mess” “I am broken” There is a huge list of “I” that will come from this person who is really hurting. Here is my exhortation to you to give the friend what they need rather than what you think they need. Remember this Someone who is deeply hurting is most talking about hurt and frustration at how much of a failure they feel that they are at that moment. That does not mean that they are deeply questioning there faith. It does not mean that they overly doubt YHVH promise. It does not mean that they don’t know just as much scripture as you do about what should be going on in their mind. All it means is that they are having a moment of absolute pain.
So what do you do for a friend who is saying things that really don’t make sense for a christian to say? First use some common sense. Do you know this friend well enough to be able to say that they have a severe issue of biblical ignorance. If a person is truly a new christian who is hurting and you know they really don’t know much about the bible true enough give it to them. But there are two other types of people to consider. The first one is maybe you don’t know the person well enough to know how deeply they are in the bible. If that is the case you have an option or two. You can assume there are a fool and start quoting scripture that is relevant to the situation. But here is the problem. If you assume that they are biblically ignorant and you are wrong this person is going to feel that you just barfed bible on them. Yes scripture is always a good thing except when it not what is needed at that moment.
The next person is someone you know who is very steeped in the bible but at that moment they don’t really sound like it. Again you can barf bible on them. But remember to them it still being barfed on. As you hear what this person is saying you think of all these scriptures that they seemingly don’t know about. Here is the problem. They, two days ago already went through the entire bible to find the solution to their problem. And they may have found a few answers that they are in the process of working out. But they are still hurting.
This is the main question you need to ask yourself. Do you care about the situation they are in and can you handle it. If the answer is no be honest with this person and let them know you are not up for dealing with the problem. Don’t half listen and fidget with your watch trying to escape. Just let this person know you are not able to deal with a situation of this magnitude. Tell them you are sorry, and you will pray that someone will come who is better equipped to face off with a situation like this. Next take some action. Try and find someone who can help them. When you do find that someone call your friend back and say “listen friend I know that I couldn’t be what you needed me to be today. So I went through my list of contacts and I found someone who I think can do a better job of listening to you than I could. Can I give them your number?” If you do that your friend will not think low of you. He will think this. My friend realized his/her short coming and yet still cared enough to take action and try and find someone who can deal with my pain. They will be happy to have a friend that cares enough to be honest and helpful in the way that is best for them.
But maybe you are the person who cares and can deal with this painful situation that is being faced. If you don’t know the person give the benefit of the doubt that they are a stronger christian than you and listen. You will find at some point they will give you a “tell”. They will reveal if they are a solid christian who needed someone to just plain shut up and listen or if they are a new christian who really could use Biblical quotes. Remember if they have not bludgeoned themselves over the head with those verses you want to share it is NOT barfing on them. They need it because they simply don’t know. Then there is the person who is full of biblical wisdom but doesn’t sound like it. They a have been bashing there head in with the bible quotes reverberating through there brain. But they still hurt. In that moment Pray for the Holy Spirit to take over. Request HIM to bind your mouth shut unless it is HE who is speaking. Inform HIM that you are going to do the same. You are going to BIND your mouth shut. So if HE wants to use your lips to quote a scripture that your friend just happened to have missed HE had better open your mouth with out you. This means if you speak it’s all Holy Spirit and NO barf. But if HE does not open your mouth at HIS command. Then you just sit and listen and offer what ever comfort you can. Ask your friend if you can hug them. Or just do it. But focus everything you can on what they need. Not what you think they need. Be of service to your friend. Maybe what they need is some escape time. Offer to take them to a mini golf place, or just out for a walk. My self if the situation seem to fit I would ask. “When is the last time you got to step outside of this hurt?” “Will you let me do that for you” “I will take you out for a cup of coffee or whatever” ” I just want to be the friend who is either listening because that is what you need, or the friend who helps a little with what ever I can do.”
Remember “I” doesn’t always displace YHVH. Sometimes it just means “Won’t someone LISTEN TO ME”
ThoughtsOfAChristianMan 